Painfully Mundane Activities Of UA Students
by Kream45
Summary: An (in)accurate representation of what goes on behind the scenes on average days in U.A. dorms.
1. Carbohydrates

**Chapter 1 – Carbohydrates**

Izuku has just finished taking a shit in the toilet, when suddenly he felt like he needed a couple more minutes, so he returned to the bathroom and shat a little longer.

After he finished, he went to his room, put on his sick wireless headphones, played a song on his sick smartphone, and went to the kitchen to make a sick dinner for himself.

While he was trying to decipher which Uncle Ben's sauce had more carbohydrates inside, Ochako approached him.

"Hi!" She said. "What are you doing?"

"You think I should go with Chilli con Carne, or Sichuan sauce for my dinner today?" Izuku asked.

"I think you should always follow your heart." Ochako replied. "At least, that's what they said in that fucking awful Disney movie about snow or some shit."

"Hmm… well, I guess that means I'm gonna eat sour candy for the rest of my life, then."

"I don't think that's a…"

"Thank you for your advice, Uraraka-san." Izuku smiled.

"… I guess?"

Ochako then noticed that Izuku was listening to some sicc music on his headphones.

"Say, what song are you listening to?" Ochako asked.

"Hm?" Izuku said. "Oh, the song? It goes like _O-oooooooooo AAAAE-A-A-I-A-U- JO-oooooooooooo AAE-O-A-A-U-U-A- E-eee-ee-eee AAAAE-A-E-I-E-A-  
JO-ooo-oo-oo-oo EEEEO-A-AAA-AAAA._"

„Oh. I see." Ochako said, stunned. "I'm gonna go now, bye ? ? ? ?"

"Hey, before you go…" Izuku stopped her.

"Y-yes?"

"Would you mind if I invited you to some... Fortnite and chill?"

"Lol what?"

"U and me, tonight, at my room. I've got two computers we can play Fortnite on. Whaddaya say?"

"I don't know how to play."

"Me neither. This is just an excuse to get laid."

"I see." Ochako replied. "In that case, I'll be there. There will be a Victory Royale, at least twice."

"Oh damn, alright."

Soooo, Ochako did come that night, but they actually played Fortnite for 4,5 hours, didn't score a single Battle Royale, and then they got tired and played a superior game, Fallout 76. It crashed after five minutes. Izuku got upset. So much, in fact, that he used his giant fucking DICK to destroy Ochako.

 **To Be Continued(? ? ?)**

Lol idk


	2. Snacks

**Chapter 2 - Snacks**

U.A. dorms, early in the morning. Todoroki was eating an apple.

"Hey, Todoroki, what are you doing?" Momo asked.

"I'm eating an apple." He replied.

"Oh, cool."

Later that day, Todoroki was eating a pudding.

"Hey, Todoroki!" Sero said.

"Hi there." Todoroki replied.

"What are you doing there?"

"I'm eating a vanilla pudding."

"Oh, I see." Sero smiled and left. But, before he shut the door behind, he stopped and looked at Todoroki again. "Um, is it good?"

"Yeah, it's pretty good." Todoroki replied.

"I see. Alright, see ya."

"Bye."

9:11 PM, the same day…

Todoroki was sitting on a sofa in the lounge downstairs.

"Oh, hi, Todoroki!" Izuku said. „What are you doing down here, alone?"

"… eating your mom's clit."

"Excuse me?"

"Pardon, I meant to say that I'm eating an apple. Again."

"I see. Well, good for you!"

Izuku approached the fridge and looked for a snack inside.

"Say, Izuku." Todoroki said, "U want to play some Overwatch later?"

"Umm, I would like to, but I'm busy tonight."

"How so?"

"I'll be busy fucking your mo- I mean, I'm going to sleep earlier today."

"Okay. That's understandable. Goodnight, then."

"Night."

Izuku left the room, and at the same time, Todoroki got up from the sofa to throw the apple scraps out.

On his way to his room, he met Bakugo, who just finished shitting.

"Hi." Todoroki said.

"Fucc u, nibba." Bakugo replied.

"That's not very nice."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Todoroki said. "We all have bad days."

"Well, goodnight." Bakugo said.

"You too, mate. You've been surprisingly nice today."

"I mean, you go to sleep, and I'm off to your mom's current whereabouts."

"Aaand it's over."

Todoroki went to his room and played some Overwatch quick games, but he **quickly** realized that this game sucks ass, so he instead went to rule34 website and fapped to Overwatch characters fucking each other.

 **To be continued**

I ate two puddings today. Beat that, scumbags.


	3. Cough Syrup

**Chapter 3 - Cough Syrup**

Tokoyami was in his room, browsing edgy shirts online, when he suddenly heard people talking and laughing outside. Who could this be on 9:11 PM?

"Hello?" he said, while opening the door. Nobody was there. But, with a corner of his eye, he spotted someone entering Izuku's room.

"Lol, what the fuck." He said to himself. No particular reason for why he said that, but he just liked to say 'lol, what the fuck' from time to time.

Regardless, it seemed interesting. Why would they enter Midoriya's room? There were like, what, three people? Four?

Suddenly, the door to Izuku's room opened, and Tokoyami almost died from a heart attack. He shut himself inside his room quickly and started listening.

"Do we have everything?" Izuku asked.

"Let's see…" Iida said and looked at the stuff they were carrying, "… whipped cream, check. Cough syrup, check. Twelve cans of Monster energy drink, check. Hmm…. WEED!"

"Oh shit, you didn't bring the weed?" Ochako asked. "What are we gonna do now?"

"Don't worry, I have some in my room, wait a sec." Izuku replied.

"We'll carry this stuff to Mina's room, join us when you're ready." Ochako said. "Come on, Iida."

Tokoyami was confused.

" _Were they talking about Monster energy drink just now?!_ " He thought. " _Oh, and weed was also mentioned at some point, I guess._ "

While he was thinking about that stuff, Izuku left his room and locked it up. Then he went to meet up with the rest.

Tokoyami decided that it would be much more fun to follow Izuku to see what they're gonna do with all that shit they carried, rather than sit on his ass in a dark room, searching the web for ways to kill himself.

He used the fact that he was BLACK to blend in with the shadows. Izuku didn't notice shit.

" _Fuck yeah, I'm so cool._ " Tokoyami thought. " _I feel like an actual spy right now!"_

Then, Tokoyami's Dark Shadow suddenly farted.

" _Oh shit!"_

Izuku turned around. "Who's there?"

Tokoyami was lucky that there was so much shadow everywhere. Thank god he was BLACK.

"I guess it was my imagination." Izuku said.

Tokoyami watched him go a couple of meters further, then he grabbed Dark Shadow and told him that he's a big stupid nibba and should not have eaten that kebab for dinner.

He then proceeded to follow Izuku, and as he expected, he entered Mina's room. He was being extremely careful though. Kind of like someone who tries to hide something.

Tokoyami approached the door and started peeping through the keyhole. Thanks to his bird senses, and the fact that he was BLACK, he could see and hear everything that was going on inside.

"I think I'm gonna buy the city of Rome." Izuku said.

"Two hundred dollars, nibba." Mina said.

"Here you go."

"My turn…" Ochako said. "I've got a Chance."

"What does it say?" Iida asked.

"I have to pay fifty dollars to fund some hospital…"

"Lol, first turn and you already have to pay!" Mina laughed.

"Hey, but at least you're helping a greater cause." Iida said. "Funding a hospital is an admirable act."

"U trolling?" Ochako asked.

"Yeah lol, hahaha!"

They laughed it off, Ochako paid fifty dollars, and then continued to play Monopoly.

Tokoyami felt bad for suspecting his friends of doing wrong.

"Well, I guess I better get back to my room and read some hentai." He said to himself. "What do you say, Dark Shadow?"

Dark Shadow gave him a thumbs up.

"Alright then. Let's go read some hentai!"

Then he realized that he was speaking all of that shit out loud. The door to Mina's room opened, and someone dragged him inside.

"Lol, what the fuck?!" he shouted while already inside.

"You made so much noise that I had to drag you here." Mina said while locking up the door. "You'll have to sit here with us until it's safe for you to leave."

Mina sat back on the floor next to everyone.

"Umm, hi." Tokoyami said.

"Hi, Tokoyami!" Izuku said. "Great to have you around!"

"Come on, sit down!" Iida added.

"Umm…" Tokoyami mumbled.

"Plant your fucking ass on the floor, nigga, or I'll fuck you up!" Ochako yelled at him.

"? ? ?"

Izuku pat Ochako on the head.

"Hey, that wasn't nice." He said. "Did you take your medicine today?"

"Yeah, I did." Ochako replied. "It must be that Monster energy drink, I shouldn't have drunk that."

"It's alright, I forgive you."

"I'm sorry, Tokoyami. That stuff kinda happens from time to time."

"? ? ? ? ? ? ?"

"Come on, sit down already." Mina said. "By the way, it's my fucking turn now, BITCHESSSSSS!"

Tokoyami sat down and watched the others play Monopoly.

"Hey, guys?" He said after a few minutes.

"Hm?" Izuku hm-ed.

"I have to admit something."

"What is it?"

"I thought you were some kind of… secret drug addict circle."

"Lol, that's funny." Mina said.

"That's ridiculous." Iida stated. "But your assumptions weren't entirely baseless. After all, we did try to hide it all."

"Yes. We don't want people to know that we secretly play Monopoly together." Ochako added.

"Why, though?" Tokoyami asked.

"Monopoly is perfect for four people. The more people would know, the more of them would want to play, and it would be some kind of shitshow if we played Monopoly with a group of ten people." Izuku explained.

"I see." Tokoyami scratched his beak, "So all you do is play Monopoly and drink Monster."

"Yup. That's all we do." Mina claimed.

"… funny. I remember hearing those three talk about some weird stuff, like cough syrup, weed and… what was the other thing?"

The others gulped.

"Oh, that's right. Whipped cream. Why whipped cream of all things?"

Tokoyami looked at everyone. They tried to avoid eye contact.

"Hey, I can see you're full of shit." He said. "Come on, spill the beans."

Mina sighed and got up. She opened a wardrobe and tons of shit spilled out.

"What the FUCK is all this?!" Tokoyami shouted. "What is with all this whipped cream? What do you need this much cough syrup for? How MUCH weed is that?!"

"Yo, dude, calm down." Izuku said quietly.

"Yeah, chill man." Iida added. "We don't want any trouble. Let's talk this out."

Tokoyami seemed to calm down a little.

"So you hid it there when you heard me outside, right?"

"Yup." Mina replied.

"So you ARE a secret drug addict circle. What the fuck?"

"No, that's not it." Ochako said. "We're not drug addicts."

"Then how can you explain all of THIS?" Tokoyami waved his hands, pointing at the stuff on the floor.

Mina coughed.

"We're actually a secret circle of people who just…" she sighed. "… like to fuck each other."

"What?"

"Umm, so you see…" Mina quickly grabbed a can of whipped cream. "… you grab this, and you give it a solid shake, like this, see?"

"Uh-huh? ? ?"

"Then you apply some of that on your hand, like this…"

"Uh-huh? ! ?"

"Then you just… smear it… all over… your ass." Mina stopped for a second.

Tokoyami was at loss for words. Mina had an expression like "this sounds even worse when I describe it to him like that". Others had an expression like "shit we're doomed".

Suddenly, Tokoyami cleared his throat, and as if nothing weird was said just now, he politely asked:

"What about the cough syrup?"

"Eeehh…" Ochako was trying to say something. "You see, it's pretty tasty."

"So what?"

"And it's really sticky."

"Where are you getting at?"

"… umm, so… you grab a bottle of cough syrup, okay? Like this."

"I know how to grab things, what the hell."

"O-oh, I'm sorry. Anyway, you open it up…" Ochako tried to open it up. "Haha.. lol I can't open it."

"Gimme that shit." Izuku said and grabbed the bottle. "You have to press down on the cap and then you turn it counterclockwise."

"Oh, thanks." Ochako said and took the open bottle. "Well, now that you have it open…"

"Wait, let me guess." Tokoyami interrupted her. "You pour it in your ass, am I right? And then someone eats all that, straight from your ass, am I right?"

"… wow, you sure are fucking pervy, Tokoyami." Mina stated.

"Oh… sorry." Tokoyami blushed.

"He wasn't wrong, though." Izuku said.

"Uhh, yeah, he nailed it.

Tokoyami sighed.

"WHAT?!"

"W-well, it's not like this is the most fucked up thing you can imagine." Ochako said. "Right, Iida?"

"Oh, that's right." Tokoyami said. "Iida, you're the class president, aren't you? What's wrong with you?"

"Lol, don't look at me." Iida replied. "I only come here to play Monopoly. I don't participate in any perverted stuff."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean, I don't feel like eating whipped cream and cough syrup from anyone's ass. Those are the last things I think about when I'm high."

"?"

Then Tokoyami realized that they're all as high as World Trade Center.

The room was filled with weed smoke, and Tokoyami got high from that. He woke up next day, lying under a stack of empty cans of whipped cream. He didn't remember shit from that night, but Mina explained to him everything that happened.

"… and then you summoned your Dark Shadow and told him to eat my ass, while you were eating Ochako's ass." Mina kindly explained.

"Jesus Christ… what were the others doing at the time?"

"Oh, Izuku and Iida? They were busy smoking weed and playing Hearthstone."

"That's lame. I got to eat ass and all they did was blaze kush and play a children's card game."

"Nah, it's the other way around." Mina said. "You passed out like ten minutes later. Iida said he blazed so much that he had to focus on not dying. Izuku then used his Clone Jutsu and gangbanged me and Ochako."

"I see." Tokoyami nodded. "You say that quite casually."

"I mean, the Clone Jutsu isn't really anything special.

"…"

Tokoyami said he won't tell anyone, but in return, they had to buy him an entire collection of edgy fucking T-shirts.

 **To be continued…**

( ͡ಠ ʖ̯ ͡ಠ)


	4. Door Knob

**Chapter 4 - Door Knob**

Tsuyu just got back from class, so the first she did after coming to the dorms, was eat a large amount of fried rice and chicken leftovers from yesterday.

After that, she grabbed a Nutella jar from the kitchen, so that nobody could see, and then she went to her room, to eat all of it by herself. She opened the door and the door knob fell off.

"Oh shit." She said, looking around to see if anyone's there.

She put the Nutella on her desk and came back to fix the door. The door knob wouldn't stay in place. Some kind of metal part that was holding it rolled on the floor and was nowhere to be seen.

While she was busy looking around for the thing, that weird octopus boi, Shoji, has just walked by.

"Hey, what's up?" he said.

"The door knob to my room broke." Tsuyu replied.

"Then fix it, lol."

"I am unable to fix it. A part rolled somewhere and I can't see it anywhere."

"Have you tried gluing it up with super glue or some shit like that?"

"I haven't, I just came here."

"Well, in any case, good luck." Shoji said and went his way.

It was very gay of him not to offer any help. But Tsuyu wasn't mad about that. She knew Shoji has been having trouble at home.

Tsuyu was unable to close the door, and she HAD to close them. Nevermind keeping the Nutella all to herself. What if she goes to sleep and somebody sneaks in and… steals her cellphone? She paid a large sum for it, u kno. It's not like she can ask her parents for a new smartphone if she loses hers. Their financial situation is already dire as it is.

And what if she goes to sleep and somebody sneaks in to… engage in non-consensual, sodomitical acts of intercourse? Or worse, what if somebody sneaked in during the day, and saw her watching shota hentai?

She could not let that happen. Tsuyu has decided that no matter what it takes, she's going to fix that fucking door. RIGHT. NOW.

"Hey, Tsuyu, you dropped something." Izuku said and handed her a little screw. "It was lying over there, I figured it's yours."

"._. thanks." Tsuyu said and took the screw.

"By the way, have you seen the Nutella jar that was in the kitchen just this morning? Me and a few others are searching for it everywhere."

"Umm… Nope. Haven't seen it."

"Be sure to let me know if you come across it, ok? Thanks."

Midoriya left, and Tsuyu fixed the door knob. She then entered her room and watched hentai until late evening. She then lied in her bed and watched PewDiePie till 2 AM while eating the entire jar of Nutella.

She went to sleep at some point. She woke up at 5 AM to take a shit, and when she was sitting on the toilet, she remembered about that one hentai she saw a couple of years ago. She was already sleep deprived, but whatever. She turned on her computer and kept searching for that hentai for about thirty minutes. She found it finally, and then she FAPPED.

She finished at 8 AM. She had classes at 8:30. When Tsuyu entered the classroom (she was late 5 minutes), she just noticed that she didn't even change.

"Hey, Tsuyu, I've got a real quick question for you." Aizawa said. "Why are you in your pyjamas?"

"The truth is…" Tsuyu said quietly, "I was watching shota hentai all day, yesterday, and I barely had any sleep."

"I see." Aizawa nodded. "But, by 'shota' you mean little boys, right? Cuz you know, my name is also Shota."

"Yes, I meant little boys. The opposite of loli."

"Oh, that's fine then. Now, sit at your desk."

"Ok."

Tsuyu made one step towards her desk, and then suddenly collapsed and passed out due to exhaustion.

"Lol." Aizawa said. "Alright, the lesson is canceled. Like, what the fuck. Somebody go take Tsuyu to the hospital wing, I'm going to my office. If anyone needs anything - don't come. I won't help you. I'll be busy injecting inhuman doses of meth into my bloodstream."

Aizawa left and the entire classroom suddenly started taking off their clothes in order to engage in non-consensual, sodomitical acts of intercourse with unconscious Tsuyu. I mean, if she's unconscious, then she _can't_ _NOT_ consent, right?

 **To be continued**

I love making these.


	5. Spoops

**Chapter 5 - Spoops**

9:11 PM at the dorms.

Toru, Mina and Jiro were watching a really shitty horror movie in Jiro's room. After they finished, they shared their thoughts with each other.

"This shit wasn't even scary." Jiro stated.

"I have to agree." Toru said. "I mean it just had some creepy noises and a few jumpscares, that's all."

"Yeah, fuck that movie." Mina added. "Alright, I'll be going to my room now."

"Me too." Toru said, scratching her invisible ass with her invisible hand. "That movie was pathetic. I wanted to, like, be scared and shit."

Jiro then remembered something.

"Hey, you know what?" Jiro got excited and got up from the bed. "Before you go, I've got this little book over here, we can check it out."

"Books succ." Mina yawned. "Unless they're about John Paul II."

"Mina, stop telling jokes about JP2, Jeez…" Toru sighed. "Nobody gets them. Literally nobody."

"I don't give a shit."

Jiro then put the book on her bed.

"Hey, this will only take a few minutes." Jiro said. "This book is called Big Bad Demons And How To Summon Them."

Mina and Toru looked at the cover of the book.

"I don't even want to know how and why you acquired a book like this, but we're not doing any weird shit like this." Toru said.

"Lol I wanna summon a demon!" Mina said her own opinion.

"Come on, Toru," Jiro smiled, "it's just for fun."

"Umm…"

"I'll give you ten diamonds on my Minecraft server."

"Lol I'm in."

Then they sat down next to each other and Jiro was flipping the pages of the book. On each page on the right, there was a picture of the demon, and on the left, there was its name, description, level of danger associated with summoning it, and the incantation to summon it.

"Hey, this one looks pretty handsome." Toru said. "For a demon, that is."

"We're not looking for handsome demons, retard." Mina scolded her. "We're looking for the scariest fucking demon imaginable."

"Fuck you, I want a handsome demon with a large demon dick."

"Stop it, you two." Jiro separated them. "You're distracting me."

"Hey, we're just having fun, kek." Mina said. "I mean, what are you focused so much on?"

"I'm trying to find the most dangerous demon available."

"Aren't they sorted by their danger levels anyway?" Toru asked.

"… yes, they are. I'm a retard."

"Can't disagree." Mina added.

Jiro skipped to the last pages.

"Let's see… Beelzebub, Diablo, Mephisto, Ozzy Osbourne… oh shit, number two is Ctulhu."

"Come on, summon Ctulhu!" Mina yelled. "He's got TENTACLES!"

"Eww, tentacles are yucky." Toru winced.

"Say that again and I'l fuck you up."

"Shut the fuck up, both of you!" Jiro shouted. "THERE HE IS!"

She flipped to the last page, dedicated to the one and only Satan.

"Yo you wanna summon Satan?" Mina asked. "He looks kinda intimidating."

"At least he's got a semi-anthropomorphic body type." Toru sighed. "But why him?"

Then Jiro started laughing like a fucking psycho.

"Yo, Jiro, what's so funny?" Mina asked, a little uncomfortable. "What're you laughing at, crazy bitch? Heheh…. ? ? ?"

"Yeah, seriously, you're freaking me out" Toru added.

"Hahahaahaaha… me? Crazy bitch?!" Jiro started screaming out of a sudden. Mina and Toru got really scared. "I won't have you say that to me, ever again."

"Yo, dafuq is wrong with…"

"They… those MOTHERFUCKERS also called me a crazy bitch, back then… saying I'm insane… haha… HaahahAHAAHaHh…. I'll show them. I'll SHOW THEM ALL! You too! Then everyone will finally believe me… Too bad, though. I'll never forget them. Those FUCKING SCUMBAGS… making a fool out of me in front of the entire world. Well… let's see who was the foolish one this whole time!"

"You tripping, Jiro?!" Toru shouted. "What the fuck is this nonsense?!"

Then, Jiro started the incantation. The words she spoke were inhuman, terrifying. Gibberish mixed with spooky whispers.

Suddenly, it got really windy in Jiro's room, even though the windows were shut. It got really spoop, to say the least.

Jiro was still saying the incantation out loud in trance, while Mina and Toru were screaming like crazy and hugging each other.

Suddenly, it all stopped. Jiro got back to normal, but Mina and Toru were still screaming with their eyes closed tight.

"Wh- what? Where… Where's lord Satan?" Jiro said, breathing heavily. "It didn't work after all?"

Mina and Toru opened their eyes, and saw Jiro being normal. They stopped screaming, and approached Jiro really slowly. Still hugging each other in fear.

"YO." Mina said to Jiro, really loud. "YOU THERE?! DAFUQ JUST HAPPENED?"

"I was trying to summon Satan."

"WE'VE NOTICED THAT ALREADY!" Toru screamed.

"But it didn't work… I-I don't understand! It says that to summon Satan, you have to lock yourself in a room with exactly two virgins and then say the incantation… I've been waiting for an opportunity like this for over five years!"

Mina and Toru let go of each other.

"We ain't virgins."

Jiro looked at them, shocked.

"What? How is that… But you're like 15!"

"Tough shit." Toru shrugged.

"You really scared us, you know." Mina said. "Maybe you weren't able to summon Satan, but all that creepy stuff with shit flying around, weird sounds, no pupils in your eyes… that was some fucked up shit."

"I have to agree, it was pretty impressive."

"Right, Satan? Jiro's like a totally super advanced demon summoner or some shit." Mina said to Satan.

Jiro, Mina and Toru looked at Satan, who's been standing next to them for like two minutes now.

Mina and Toru passed out, and Jiro was extremely happy.

"SATAN, you're here!" Jiro yelled. "But… I don't understand! They said they weren't virgins!"

"Well, the author of this book clearly made a fatal mistake writing that there." Satan explained. "It was supposed to be 'Two virgins in World of Warcraft'."

"Huh?"

"Meaning people who have never engaged in sexual intercourse in the game named World of Warcraft."

"But there is no sex in WoW!"

"That's true. It means that you can summon me with just any two people locked in a room with you, cuz everybody is a WoW virgin."

"? ? ?"

"Oh, by the way, you summoned me here for a reason, right?"

"Um.. Ummmm..." Jiro didn't know how to reply. She never thought about what she'd say to Satan once she summons him.

"Well, maybe you have some questions for me, then? Now that I'm here."

Jiro asked the first thing that came to her mind: "D-do you shit?"

Satan replied: "Yes. I do, from time to time."

Then he laughed. Jiro couldn't help and also started laughing with Satan. Once they calmed down, Satan asked if he could use a computer.

"Oh, sure, go ahead." Jiro replied.

"Thank you."

Satan turned on Jiro's computer, opened Facebook, screwed around for a few minutes, then said goodbye and left.

 **To be continued**

What.


	6. Breakfast

**Chapter 6 – Breakfast**

 **/Just a happy little breakfast, everybody/**

Ochako woke up at 6:30 AM. She lied in the bed for like 20 more minutes, scrolling through memes with black people on Facebook. She then got up, grabbed some clothes, dressed up, grabbed a small purse and went downstairs to eat some breakfast.

"Hi." She said to everyone.

Some people replied, some didn't. Like, who cares, they see each other every day.

Ochako grabbed a few buns, cut them in half, then smeared Nutella all over them. She kept smearing and smearing. That's right, smear that shit, baby.

When she SMEARED enough, she put the "breakfast" on a plate, grabbed it and sat by the table, putting the plate in front of her.

"Oh, hi." Mineta said to her. "Wow, that's a lot of Nutella."

"Mhm." Ochako said, while chewing on the buns.

"I made myself sandwiches with ham, cheese and mayo. Isn't that totally insane?"

"Mhm, absolutely crazy." Ochako replied and took another big bite of her sandwiches.

Their conversation got really stale really quick.

BUT! O EM GEE! Out of fucking nowhere! I can't believe it! Is that… YES! YES IT IS! Ladies and gentlemen, THE ONE AND ONLY! HE JUST WOKE UP AND CAME TO EAT BREAKFAST WITH EVERYONE! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HIM?! HERE?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! IIIIIIITTTTTT'SSSSSS….

Izuku Midoriya, who would expect.

He grabbed a plate of yesterday's spaghetti, heated that bitch up in a microwave and sat down in front of, you guessed it, Ochako Uraraka.

"Good morning you two." He said.

"Hi." Mineta said.

"Sup." Ochako said with a mouth full of coc- I mean, sandwich."

"I've got a plate full of spaghetti, a luxurious dish straight from Italy, and you two are eating some plebian food." Izuku said and chuckled.

"Hey, you are aware that you're eating leftovers from yesterday's spaghetti, which was made with the cheapest fucking spaghetti pasta and sauce from the local Tesco, right?" Mineta asked, visibly startled by what Izuku has said.

"Mineta." Ochako said. "It was sarcasm."

"Yeah, I'm sorry if I offended you, mate." Izuku smiled. "No hard feelings?"

Mineta suddenly remembered his tragic past in a dysfunctional family of alcoholics and prostitutes.

"Well, I'm offended." He said, sobbing. "Now, EXCUUUUUUUUSEE me. I'm gonna grab my shit and move to another table. Do you know, perhaps, where the tables for PEASANTS are at?!"

"Yo chill man." Izuku stopped smiling. "I'm sorry. For real, bro. I know you've been through some really tough shit. I'm sorry I haven't taken your feelings into consideration when making that joke about spaghetti. I definitely shouldn't have called you a peasant. That was horrible of me, I'm ashamed of myself. Please, will you forgive me? I promise it will never happen again."

Mineta wiped the tears off. "Swear on John Paul II's name."

"Oka- what? Umm, I mean, alright. I swear on John Paul II's name that I will never offend you ever again."

"Thank you." Mineta smiled. "But… I have some things to think about. I'm gonna grab my breakfast and go somewhere… but don't worry, it's not because of you."

"I know, I know." Izuku replied. "Go. Oh, and remember that I've always got your back, nigga. For life, bro."

Mineta smiled sadly and nodded. "For life, man."

Mineta left, and Izuku noticed that his spaghetti got cold, so he popped that shit for thirty more seconds in the microwave.

"You know, I always admire how much you care for that guy." Ochako said, while Izuku was standing next to the microwave, waiting for his meal.

"I mean, I know how he feels." Izuku got sad. "We're bros, you know. Two crazy muthafuckin' niggas, opposing the shitty society we live in."

"I see, heh." Ochako finished her last sandwich. "By the way, where did he go?"

"I'm not sure, but… I'm guessing it has something to do with his grandmother."

Ochako jumped a little on her chair. "Oh shit, what day is… is it today?"

Izuku grabbed his spaghetti and sat back in front of Ochako.

"I'm not sure if it's today, but I guess it's been somewhere around this time of year… the day when his grandma died…"

"Jesus, I completely forgot…" Ochako sighed.

"He doesn't really go around flaunting that shit." Izuku also sighed. "I mean, it must be very personal to him. I remember him saying that his grandmother would always welcome him in her home, when he didn't want to come back home, scared of his parents and siblings. She used to make him sandwiches, made of buns, ham, cheese and mayo."

"Just like he ate just now…"

"Mhm." Izuku ate a large chunk of spaghetti. "But she used to also add some dried basil, for a little more spice. She must have really cared for him, so he could always eat decent meals at her house… feel like eating something really fancy, when in reality, she just made him simple sandwiches, with lots of love…"

They both got quiet for a second.

"Umm, I got Play of the Game three times in the row as Symmetra yesterday." Ochako broke the silence.

"Wow, that's impressive!" Izuku smiled. "You played with Kaminari and Sero, right?"

"Yeah. I hyper-carried those games. I wish I hadn't had to, though. If those faggots would learn what each hero does and what their strengths and weaknesses are, I could have played some other hero I wanted to play."

"Maaayyybee, but is it worth getting worked up about?"

"It's not, I just didn't know what to say."

"Well…" Izuku coughed, "did you remember about your medicine?"

"OH SHIT!" Ochako quickly grabbed her purse and took out a pack of pills. "Thanks, I almost forgot."

"Here, have some mineral water." Izuku poured a cup of mineral water for Ochako.

"Thank you." Ochako put the pill on her tongue and drank water to swallow it.

"What about the other ones?" Izuku asked.

"… damn, I'm such an idiot." Ochako took out a Vitamin C, some pills for her heart, one for good expectoration and one probiotic.

Izuku watched her, to make sure she didn't forget any.

"God dammit. I'll never get used to this much medication."

"It's for your health. It's important that you don't forget to take care of yourself, otherwise you'll never recover."

"Yeah. Thanks. I mean it."

"Come on, let's go. The classes are about to start in ten minutes or so."

He got up and threw the plate into the dishwasher. The impact was a tiny bit too strong, and the plate broke. WHOOPS.

"Hey, Deku?" Ochako said.

"What's up?"

"You said the classes start in about ten minutes?"

"Yup."

"But these dorms are like five-minute walk from the class, right? Less than that if we'd run, so we might have like 5-7 minutes more before we leave."

"Hmm.. where are you getting at?"

"You know what takes 5-7 minutes?"

"Let me think… a quickie?"

"That too… but what I meant is listening to the whole Ram Ranch song on YouTube."

"I would much rather prefer a qui-"

"HERE IT GOES!"

"PLEASE NO!"

" _EigHtEEn Naked CowBoyS iN ThE showERs at RaM RAncH!"_

 **To be continued...**

BIG HARD THROBBING COCKS!


	7. I Honestly Have No Clue

**Chapter 7 (Final) – I Honestly Have No Clue**

"What's FUCKING good, class 1-A?! On today's episode of My Life Is A Fucking Joke, we have a special guest with us. It's FUCKING IZUKU MIDORIYA. Have you heard of him?! He's like the protagonist of My Hero Academia. Come on, say hi!" Iida shouted.

"Thank you, thank you! It's an honor." Izuku said, waving his hand at the 'audience'. "I really appreciate the invitation, there's a lot of things I wanted to talk about with you."

They were standing in the living room, all eyes set on them, nobody knew what the fuck was going on.

"You two really need to put down whatever you're smoking." Momo sighed.

"BITCH we didn't smoke anything! Not even a single whiff. Alright?!" Iida got aggressive.

"Yo Iida, calm down." Izuku pat him on the back. "She wasn't _actually_ insinuating that we smoke anything. She just made an observation that we're behaving a little weird."

"… Aaahh, I see! I know what's up!" Iida laughed.

The others didn't know how to react.

"We would _never_ smoke weed, right, Izuku?! M I rite? Huh? Huh?!" Iida was winking at Midoriya, but he wasn't doing a very good job at keeping it a secret.

"I agree with you." Izuku replied. "We're just really fucking weird. ***** giant, comedic wink ***** "

"Lol whatever, let's continue the fucking show, shall we?" Iida asked.

"HOLD ON A SECOND!"

Bakugo got up from the sofa, scowling at Izuku and Iida. "What is this bullshit?!"

Izuku cleared his throat. "Ladies and gentlemen… and Bakugo..."

"?!"

"I came here on this beautiful evening to say a few things about myself, that's all. And Iida's gonna be the one interviewing me."

Bakugo was about to smash Midoriya's face, but he suddenly got a heart attack and died. Nobody gave a shit.

Ochako and Mina knew very well that those two guys smoked too much weed, even though they all agreed to only smoke weed on their meetings, to avoid detection. Tokoyami also knew but he didn't give a shit.

However, they couldn't do anything about it at this point. The rest of the class was very excited to see what Iida and Izuku have prepared.

"Oh no, they think it's a skit or some shit…" Mina lamented.

"Well, they're screwed anyway, so let's at least see what they have to say."

Everyone sat comfortably, waiting for the 'skit' to start... Although nobody knew, that it was all gonna be improvised. In other words, a complete shitshow was impending.

"So, Izuku, how old are you?"

"21."

"HAHAHAHAHsdhaHHAHAHAhaHAHAHHahhahAhAhahaHA!"

 **Audience reaction:**._.

"Anyway, I heard that you're a big fucking faggot, is that right?"

"That is in fact, very true. I love taking big cocks up my ass."

 **AR:** ಠ_ಠ

"Please tell us about what you were doing last night."

"Fucking your mom, HAH!"

"NICE ONE!" Iida shouted. "CAN WE HAVE AN APPLAUSE FOR THAT ONE?! THAT WAS FUCKING SAVAGE!"

 **AR:** :|

„Well anyway, I heard you like hentai."

"That's correct."

"Tell me, how many times a day do you fap to hentai?"

"About three to four times a day."

"WOAH!"

"Sometimes I go a little lower than that, but I never missed a day of fapping."

"That's very impressive!"

 **AR:** 0_0

„What kind of hentai do you fap to?"

"Mostly gangbangs, traps and futa. Also, lolis. I have an entire collection of loli hentai on my hard drive, mostly loli gangbang. But it's well hidden, so no one will ever find out."

 **AR:** ಠ_ಠ

„What do you think about BLACK PEOPLE?!"

Before Izuku could reply, Zues came down from whatever place he lived and destroyed every single fucking living being.

 **THE END**

This was a hard decision, but there won't be any more chapters. I've got some serious shit to take care of irl. Like fucking your mom heheheheheheheehheheeehhe ***dying inside***


End file.
